Are wives required to submit to their husbands?

Scripture is direct: wives are instructed to submit to their husbands. Paul writes, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22), and Peter gives a similar instruction, urging wives to “be subject to your own husbands” (1 Peter 3:1). This is not an obscure or debated command; it appears repeatedly across the New Testament (see also Colossians 3:18 and Titus 2:5).

Yet this command has often been misapplied in ways Scripture itself does not intend, so it is worth reading it carefully, in its full biblical context.

Ephesians 5:22 is not a stand-alone verse; it grows directly out of verse 21’s call for believers to submit “to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Paul then works out what that mutual posture looks like within the marriage relationship specifically — wives submitting to husbands, and, in the following verses, husbands loving wives with Christlike, sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:25). The command to submit was never meant to stand alone, detached from a husband’s parallel obligation.

In fact, in the original Greek text of Ephesians 5:22, there is not even a separate verb for “submit” — it is carried over from verse 21, tying the command grammatically to the broader call for mutual deference among believers. Reading verse 22 in isolation, disconnected from its sentence, has fueled much of the confusion and misuse surrounding this command.

Colossians 3:18 records the same instruction more briefly, but Paul immediately follows it with a command to husbands not to “be harsh” with their wives (Colossians 3:19), showing the same pattern in a second letter: submission is never given as a stand-alone directive to women without a corresponding, weighty obligation placed on men. Any teaching that isolates the command to wives while ignoring the parallel command to husbands is not reading Paul faithfully.

It is telling that Paul spends far more space instructing husbands than wives. Husbands are called to love “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25) — a far more demanding standard than mere submission. A wife’s call to submit was never meant to be lifted out and enforced apart from her husband’s call to sacrifice everything for her good.

If a husband demands submission while refusing to love sacrificially, he is quoting half of Paul’s instruction and ignoring the half that costs him something. A wife’s submission was always meant to be received by a husband actively laying down his own comfort and preferences for her sake, not one simply claiming authority.

Biblical submission does not require a wife to obey a husband’s sinful commands. The consistent biblical principle is that “we must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29) whenever human authority conflicts with God’s clear commands. Nor does submission require a wife to remain silent when she has wisdom to offer, or to stay in danger — submission was never intended as a shield for abuse.

Scripture never asks a wife to participate in sin, cover up wrongdoing, or place herself or her children in harm's way in the name of submission. Where a husband is asking for something contrary to God's Word or endangering his family, seeking help and setting boundaries is not rebellion — it is faithfulness to a higher authority.

It also bears repeating that submission concerns the marriage relationship, not every sphere of a wife's life. It does not mean a husband has authority over his wife's relationship with Christ, her conscience before God, her friendships, or decisions that fall outside their shared life together. Submission describes how a wife relates to her husband within their marriage, not a blanket transfer of her personhood or judgment to him in every area of life.

Peter frames submission as potentially winning over an unbelieving husband “without a word by the conduct of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1), highlighting the quiet, dignified strength that submission can display, not weakness or the erasure of personhood.

Peter goes on to praise “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4), and points to Sarah, who “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1 Peter 3:6), as an example — not of passivity, but of a confident trust in God that freed her from fear.

So yes, Scripture calls wives to submit to their husbands — but always within a marriage where husbands are equally, and more demandingly, called to sacrificial love. Applied faithfully, this is not a hierarchy of worth but a partnership of complementary callings, both aimed at reflecting Christ.

If you are a wife wrestling with what this looks like day to day, remember that submission is ultimately an act of worship offered to the Lord, not a performance for your husband or anyone watching. And if your marriage does not yet reflect this pattern fully, grace, patience, and honest conversation, perhaps aided by wise counsel, can help both of you grow toward it together.